hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She's the barista slut.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
