please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
