their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
