At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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