I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
