at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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