I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
