Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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