I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
