It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize