Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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