A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
