pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize