you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
