Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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