Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
