chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He kissed a someone with a penis
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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