a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
