I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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