He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
