if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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