They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
