sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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