I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize