Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
