I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
