So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
