wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
