You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
