I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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