The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
