Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Randomize
