i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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