Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
