I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
