Sry I called you an 8
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
