I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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