do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Congratulations! We have a period
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