FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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