I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
