he was CRYING into my vagina
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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