a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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