I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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