If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
