look no pants
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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