so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
