I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
