I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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