You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
