remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just found a bag of teeth...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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