Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
