i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
