i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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