someone threw a dead crab at me
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Randomize
