i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
