Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
