Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
