He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
