There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize