Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
