Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's never too late to be topless.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
