sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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