Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i came on her dog
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
