It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
